MTAC

So it's been more than a month since MTAC. It was loads of fun. My friend Austin and I basically derped around on Friday havin' loads of fun.  On Saturday, Austin couldn't come so I just derped on my own.

However, pictures:

That's right. I decided to be Fionna!

25 little things

I love the sunshine after being in a cold room.

I love pillows.

 I love iced green tea.

I love my green pants.

I love the color pink.

I love sunset.

I love the stars.

I love quilts.

I love understanding how to do math.

I love freckles.

I love paranormal shows.

I love public speaking.

I love opening night.

I love musicals.

I love mint.

I love Harvest Moon.

I love Thomas Gibson.

I love TV nights with my parents.

I love Korean Barbeque.

I love Matthew Gray Gubler.

I love libraries.

I love my parents.

I love kittens.

I love sarcasm.

I love boys. 

I'm back.

I know. I know. I have not posted in quite some time. I've been busy, but that's no excuse. I need some place to vent though. Tumblr isn't going to cut it anymore. Too many people know about my Tumblr and I can't use my Lolita or Wiccan tumblr to vent.

Whatever.

A bit of a confession

This really isn't a bad confession as it is rather geeky. See, by now you should know I like DC comics. I technically have a Cassie Sandsmark costume.

So, my confession is:

When I get bored I dress up as Wonder Girl and hang out in my room.

Dear Colleges that send me stuff,

I hope you know that I don't want attend any of these colleges. Of course, the one college I do want to go to has sent me an email saying that they had set up an application profile for me so I wouldn't have to do it in the fall. All I had to do was send my ACT score to them. I don't even know why you know who I am! Is it because of the PSAT? The one I did really well on? It probably is. However, Texas Christian, Agnes-Scott, Kenyon, Birmingham-Southern, Iowa State, and VMI, I don't want to attend any of your schools. So stop sending me creepy emails.
Thanks.

Lifestyle Lolita

I’m going to become a lifestyle Lolita.

Wait, what?

No, that’s right. You heard me.  I’m going to be a lifestyle Lolita, at least for a little while. It’s going to be mostly inward though, as I don’t want people to judge me too much and Lolita is expensive. But I’ve been just sick of myself lately, and I think a little dosage of cuteness and elegance could do me some good. So here’s what I’m going to do:

-I’m going to stop being so negative.

-Drink a cup of tea every day from a real tea cup (or if that’s dirty my Doctor Who one will suffice)

-Sneak something ultra cute into my wardrobe every day. Whether it’s shoes with bows, cute earrings, a necklace, etc…something will work.

-Take one bat h a week (and the other days take showers).

-Be nicer to people or kill them with kindness

-Study better in a cute little study area (that needs to be made)

-Stop swearing as often

-Eat better

-Take walks and do yoga

-Go to bed earlier

-Paint my nails

-Fill my room with super cute things

-Bake more often

-Cook more often

-Knit more often

-Learn to sew

-Speak more French

-Read more (maybe in French?)

-Try to watch more anime (preferably Studio Ghibli Movies)

-Draw more

-Write more

Eh, that sounds good. Any ideas? 

I am a derp

So we had to write plays for drama class and we're performing them too! Super happy fun time, right? Well, no. We have to memorize them as well. The one we're doing right now is mine.

HOW DO I NOT HAVE THIS MEMORIZED?

Ugh, I'm such a failure. Maybe I know it better than I think I do, but I'm still freaking out. I know the lines, I just don't know my cues. I guess.

Maybe. Ugh.

Weekend

Yes, I like weekends. I'm going snowboarding this weekend, and I'm super excited. And not just weekends, things that involve weekends too! Like the song Weekend by the Smith Westerns.

"Do you think, is it normal? To go through life, oh so formal. Na Na Na Na Na a girl like you. Weekends are never fun, unless you're around too."


Seriously, I love this song. It's a fun little tune. It's on their album Dye It Blonde.

Now if I can just get it out of my head.

Escape

I need to chill. I need to get away and forget it all for awhile. Maybe all my aggression towards people who used to be my friends is the product of cabin fever.

Wait, no, that's total b.s.

We're all just too different. I'd rather shop at places like Urban Outfitters than Hot Topic. Listen to Best Coast and not My Chemical Romance. Drink way-too-expensive coffee and sit around at Starbucks than go annoy perfectly normal people.

It's the way of life. I think I grew up before they did. They seem so young to me, even though they aren't so much younger. It's weird. Maybe it's just because I'm ready to head off to college and (most of them) are still being the sophomores they are. I'm so over the judgmental bit of high school (I don't actually judge anyone, I state facts), I don't like the cattiness. I'm ready to move on, and they aren't.

Peer Pressure

So I came to a realization this morning. I don't hate the really skinny girls in the magazines. I don't. I hate the tv shows and movies and books that force teenage girls to think that having low self esteem is cool. Really, if girls were taught that that it's okay to not care what people think instead of being taught to hate other girls for being pretty, think of what might happen.

I mean seriously, and maybe it's just my group of friends, but I feel more pressure to NOT wear make-up, to NOT wear fashionable clothes, to NOT try to look my best. I like wearing pink and make-up and smelling nice.
I mean sure, I wear tragically hip clothes (I pretty much just shop in Forever 21 and Urban Outfitters now, with a little bit of Target) and that's not everyone's idea of super fashionable.

See, apparently in some circles it's not okay to be yourself if being yourself isn't being a "nonconformist".


Actually, all of this upsets me. I'm not allowed to think I'm pretty without being vain. I'm not allowed to wear make-up without being self-conscious (I see make-up as an accessory).  I'm not allowed to wear skirts without being a whore.

It just doesn't make sense.

Just a little fashion blogging

So, if you haven't noticed, I love fashion. It's probably one of my favorite things. I am addicted to Lookbook and Tumblr, but recently a friend introduced me to Pintrest.
I've begun to find things that I am just obsessed with, fashion items I mean.

Surprisingly, I'm rather fashionable. This surprises me. I've never been fashionable in my life, but I get on Lookbook and I'm like I HAVE THINGS LIKE THIS!

Thank the goddess for the hipster trend.

Just a tiny achievement, no big deal

So I'm on the speech and debate team right? And I love it!  Unfortunately, for the past two years (my freshman and sophomore years) I haven't done crap. But this year however, I've gone to almost every tournament (there were two I just didn't go to, for one I was at another tournament).
So I found out I've gotten 97 points this year and I have three more chances for getting points.

I'm super happy.

Want to get me to cry?

So I thought I was over that certain boy. Until today. The choir has a concert tonight and they had a teaser. I was like "Oh, this is going to be cool, the choir always has good songs"

Yeah, certain boy had a solo in Fix You by Coldplay.

ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL ME?

And they sang a mash-up of Rumor Has It and Someone Like You. The later is always sure to start waterworks.

So here is a list of (just a few of them) songs that will make me think of him and then make me cry:
There Is  A Light and It Never Goes Out-The Smiths
Fix You-Coldplay
Someone Like You-Adele
Why Can't I-Liz Phair
How Soon Is Now-The Smiths
Naked-Avril Lavigne
Boyfriend-Best Coast
The One That Got Away-Katy Perry
My Maudlin Career-Camera Obscura

FINALLY

So, after exactly twenty days, my computer is returned to me. You know what that means, NO MORE SPARE! Yay! I'm still having to get use to the keyboard
So let me list all the things I'm able to do now:
-Play Sims 3 again
-Charge my computer
-Use Google Chrome
-Write hardcore
-Draw

I'm super excited.

I has a sad

I don't know why, but lately I've been really sad. Maybe it's because of changes in the atmospheric pressure or something, there have been quite a few storms rumbling through. I'm trying every thing to help, yoga, drinking more water, taking naps, reading, etc. Yoga only works for a short while (but it's a good work out, so I'll keep up with it).
I've been on edge lately, there are very few people I want to talk to and very few things I want to do. Like someone who used to be my best friend (and still is) constantly says things that make me want to punch her. I don't know if it's me or her.
I also have no energy, and that's probably from lack of sleep. I mean, Saturday night was the only time this weekend I got more than three hours. I didn't sleep well last night.
So I don't know, but I hope it changes soon.
I want to play Sims 2.

Hold me back now

So, as I'm sure you know, I'm going on the thespian trip this weekend. Up until yesterday, I was super excited. I was convinced it was going to be the best weekend of my life, or at least in the top ten. But now, even though I'm still sure it's going to be a great weekend, I know that my ex-best friend is going to be there.
Weekend somewhat ruined.

I try not to be awkward around her, and I haven't really talked to her in two years. So things have calmed down. But I just despise her so much that I don't know how it's going to go. The best way I can describe our "relationship" (or lack thereof) right now is through Marceline's song "I'm Just Your Problem". (Yes, Adventure Time)
Marceline: La da da da da,
I'm gonna bury you in the ground,
La da da da da,
I'm gonna bury you with my sound,
I'm gonna drink the red from your pretty pink face
I'm gonna…
Princess Bubblegum: Marceline, that's too distasteful!
Marceline: Oh, you don't like that? Or do you just not like me!?
Sorry I don’t treat you like a goddess
Is that what you want me to do?
Sorry I don’t treat you like you’re perfect,
Like all your little loyal subjects do
Sorry I’m not made of sugar,
Am I not sweet enough for you?
Is that why you always avoid me?
That must be such an inconvenience to you


Well,
I’m just your problem
I’m just your problem
It’s like I’m not even a person, am I?
I’m just your problem


Well, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I shouldn’t have to justify what I do
I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I shouldn’t have to prove anything to you
I’m sorry that I exist
I forget what landed me on your black list
But I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I shouldn’t have to be the one that makes up with you


So, why do I want to? Why do I want to…
To… bury you in the ground and drink the blood from your… UGH!!

Yeah, angsty. Sorry. But I'm just worried. I'll try everything to make this weekend fantastic though. I know there is no reason why this weekend can't be the best weekend of my life. I'm going to be with awesome people and I'm going to be doing awesome things. I'm going to be taking tons of workshops and go to dances and Build-a-Bear. 

So, I'll try the best I can to make it awesome and not kill anyone. No promises.
 

Obsession and fan girls

As I'm sure any of you know, I go through phases of obsession. During these phases, I geek out over one fandom (or person/band/etc). Right now it's Adventure Time, a couple of days ago it was Code Lyoko, and before that it was Criminal Minds.

What makes this different, is that I haven't really geeked out over Adventure Time before. I have to say, it feels kinda good. Oh my glob, it's a fun fandom. It's so nerdy and weird, it's fun! I mentioned something about dressing up as Marceline for the convention during break today, and this guy totally freaked out because he LOVES Adventure Time. Now, I'm sorta friends with this guy (he can be a major douche) but I had never known him to geek out over anything but Star Trek. And he was like FREAKING out because he loved Adventure Time.

I guess it's all encompassing. So is Driving Ms. Daisy, but that's another story.


Now, on to fan girls. I had this conversation with my friend this morning. Fan girls are weird. I find my self turned off from certain fandoms because the fan girls scare me. Mostly, anime fan girls. But the normal fan girl I seem to come across is either super defensive, super rude, super annoying, super stupid, or all of the above. I would like to label my self as a fan girl (as some normal ones to exist), but with the current label on fan girl (because of truth) I will just have to settle for "Fan".

MTAC

So I just found out that I can, in fact, go to MTAC this year (with only missing a three hour period for rehearsal). Now, my big issue is what should I be this year? I have some ideas.

1. My favorite adventure time character Marceline the Vampire Queen.

2. Fionna the Human (from the gender-bent episode of AT, Adventure Time with Fionna and Cake).

 3. Amy Pond (from Doctor Who)

4. My friends want me to be Terra from Teen Titans. I don't really want to do it, but it's still an option.

Ok, the problem with the costume is that I have to be able to whip of the weird parts (wig etc.) for practice. So that's why I think Marceline is a good bet, because I'd just have to take off the wig, take out the teeth, and wipe off the fake vampire marks. I might not even have the grey body paint, because it's hard to work with and I'm pale enough.

The guys only doing it for some doll

So musical rehearsal starts today. I'm really excited since I have a pretty good part this year. Plus, the musical is always fun. We're doing Guys and Dolls this year (if you couldn't tell by the title).

The only bad part about the musical this year is that the one person I probably dislike the most is in it. I don't know how I'm going to deal. Wait, no, that's wrong. I know how I'm going to deal. I'm friends with everyone in the cast, and she doesn't know anyone. Nevermind.

I'm also excited for this weekend, it's Thes-con. It's my first year going (I could have gone last year, but I went to the Alabama tournament). I'm pumped up for it. I'm missing this Friday for it, and I really don't have to do anything, just have fun. So I have a four day weekend, because I miss Monday for MLK day.

And then I miss the Friday after next, and then the Monday after that.

I don't have a full week in all of January, and very few in February. There's one weekend were I have a one day week! YAY!

Speech crush

Now, it's not unusual for someone (guy or girl) on a speech team to have speech crushes. I technically have two. I will only mention them by their first names in the off chance they read this blog. Hopefully they'd be able tell it was them by what I say, if not they're dumb.

So number 1 is John. I guess this is more "OHMYGODYOURAWESOME" than actual like. Cause he is awesome and super talented. Plus, I'm not the only girl who thinks this. So this is less of a crush and more of an admiration.

Number 2 is the "Real" "speech crush". His name is Jacob. He lives in Illinois. He is pretty awesome. I met him at camp. He had an awesome poetry piece. I'm going to focus on "liking" him so that I don't go through the same stuff I did with that one guy during the last two musicals. Nothing's going to happen...unless he goes back to the same camp this year.

It's a little sad that it's awkward

One of the worst parts about today's society is censorship. I know there are good intentions behind it, but censorship and political correctness has gone too far.

For instance, I am in an anatomy/physiology class and for homework we had to list the different systems of the body, what their functions are, and two organs in each. Here's the catch, I felt awkward saying that the penis and the vagina are two organs associated with the reproductive system. But then I thought, why do I feel awkward? Those are the proper names for two organs most commonly associated with that system.

It seems as if, in a desire not to upset or offend anyone, our culture has made perfectly normal things taboo. No one should feel gross or awkward talking about a penis or a vagina in a scientific sense. Or in any other sense. They are just two organs of the body that are needed for the continuation of mankind.

This goes beyond just saying the words. Sex is taboo. And sure, little kids don't need to be seeing it, but adults freak out when they see it on television. My own parents say it's "unnecessary".

Why is it that people are afraid of it? I mean it happens. It's sex, it's a beautiful part of life. Maybe, if we educated the youth of America about sex better, instead of shying away from the subject, there might be less teen pregnancies.

Ever thought about that?

One last parting thought. Censorship of music. Okay, fine. Bad words are bad. But it doesn't make any sense that if ONE song on the album is explicit, the whole album is as well. I'm pretty sure that Clint Eastwood is the only explicit song on Gorillaz. So why does iTunes make the whole album explicit? No idea.

Cartoons

I really miss the show Code Lyoko. It's a French cartoon that used both 2D and 3D animation to tell a story about five teenagers and a virtual world called Lyoko. Basically there's this evil computer program called X.A.N.A. who attacks the real world. Four of these teenagers (Odd, Ulrich, Yumi, and Jeremie) are students at Kadic Academy, a boarding school, who find this super computer containing the world of Lyoko and a girl named Aelita. Basically, Odd, Ulrich, and Yumi use scanners to transport into Lyoko to go fight X.A.N.A.'s monsters, save Aelita and the day. Jeremie, the super computer nerd, is the one who controls what they do (running the scanners, writing programs, etc...).

This show was quite possibly my favorite ever as a kid (beside Teen Titans, but that was an obsession). I would come home every day and watch it on Cartoon Network. I recently started watching it again, and I realized what a great show it was/is (they're making a fifth season).  Odd, Ulrich, Jeremie, and Aelita range from 12-14 and Yumi is 13-15. They act like teenagers, they're hormonal, they fall in like, they're impulsive and weird and funny.

I want to go to Kadic...like now.

Make-up

So, I love make-up. I really do. It's something that I'm really good at doing. But more often than not I feel like I'm judged for wearing make-up instead of not wearing it. Maybe I'm just hanging out with the wrong group of people.

Something I've noticed at my school though, some girls don't know how to do make-up properly. If you're going to wear it, please do it right. I'm not trying to be snarky or rude, but somethings just make people look bad.

The biggest problem at my school is eyeliner. Now, I love eyeliner, but it has to be done right or you look cheap. Read any professional make-up book, they'll tell you same thing. What a lot of girls at my school do is they do a thick line of black eyeliner on the bottom and nothing else. No eyeshadow, no mascara, no foundation, nothing. This makes you look like a 13 year old. You have to have eyeliner with eyeshadow and mascara. However, there are some girls that do something like this, but they have a thin line of eyeliner. This looks perfectly fine, because they don't look like they're trying to hard.

Another problem is something that everyone notices. Foundation that doesn't match your skin tone. It's obvious if your face is tan and your neck is white. If you're going to go for a darker tone, BLEND BLEND BLEND and include your neck. But the biggest tip is to choose a foundation that's your skin tone shade or a shade lighter.

Virus

My poor little baby, my computer, is sick. It has a virus. Ugh! So annoying! I even figured out how to fix the virus by myself, but the tech department has it set so that I can't, or so I thought.

I went into the the tech office during break today and they were actually nice and not condescending *shocking*. They completely understood, and they told me they could remove the virus within minutes, but because it had already done some damage and because they wanted to upgrade the security program they would have to re-image it. *sigh* OK, fine. They can have my baby and re-image it. I kinda new this was happening. I mean I could NOT open any of my programs the normal way. It would say it didn't exist or it would ask me to open it and download it in another program. So I backed up all my files (including my precious Sims 3 ones) and gave it to them.

So now I have a spare. It's the last one too. Yay! I'm lucky to have this for three reasons. One, eighteen people came in yesterday with the same problem. There go most of the spares. Two, this spare was broken until this morning when the guy fixed it. And three, the freshman before me had a super serious problem with his computer and probably needed a spare more than I did (I rarely use my computer in class. Just for email, math homework, and anatomy and physiology). However, this kid was a little doucher and so the tech said they would have to figure it out later and sent him away with nothing. I got the spare. So, yay.

I just don't know how long the re-imaging is going to take. So...no Sims for quite awhile. Probably no new fanfictions or stuff for dA either. Oh well, it's not like I updated regularly on anything but twitter and tumblr anyway.

I need a change

I need a change in my life and I don't know how that's going to happen. Somethings have changed, somethings haven't.

I need to get rid of the bad. The people I don't like, the ones that stress me out. Sadly, I can't seem to shake these people. I don't mean to complain all the time, but when you feel like you have only one friend at school. It makes you sad.

This rift in the "friend group" was caused by a difference in opinion. I'm basically not for "non-conformity" and they are. I grew out of my "angsty teenage girl who think she's better than everyone because she's different and the popular girls are dumb" phase freshman/sophomore year and they're still there. I mean it's fine to be like that, most girls seem to go through it. But I don't despise the "popular" girls anymore. My life is no longer "Pretty in Pink", thought I am quite a bit like Andie and I do have a "Duckie". I don't read teen fiction, the only "angsty" band I listen to is My Chemical Romance, I hardly ever go into Hot Topic (part of it is price), I don't hate school, and I LOVE my parents. I act like I'm older than I am, but I don't want to grow up. ):

However, I have some ways to keep from getting so stressed out.
-I'm going to drink more tea. Preferably green, but black is good too.
-I'm going to take 30 minutes before bed to read a book or play my new Harvest Moon game
-Watch more Bones to get me going towards my goal of Forensic Anthropolgist.
-Talk to friends outside of school, people like Julia and Tanya (a.k.a. Hachiko), who understand the need for make-up and fashion.
-Keep a journal in which all the entries are poems.
-Spend more time with my mom.